Baseball: Losing the Plot!

I'm a little (understatement!) frustrated with this game.. yesterday was bad, but this is worse cos there is no excuse.
I'm convinced it's Betemit that's upset the rhythm.

Anyway, I've just come up with this... it's all about the frustration.

ACT ONE - Where's my damn offense?!"

SCENE: YANKEE SWITCHBOARD
Operator is sitting at phone filing nails. There is a fan on the desk blowing some much needed cool air.

Phone rings

[OPERATOR]: Hello, Yankees Organization. How may I direct your call?

[CALLER]: Hello, this is Yankee fan and I'd like to ask where the offense has gone?

[OPERATOR]: The offense? Is that the Legal Department? Hold on, I'll just put you through.

[CALLER]: No, you don't....

Caller is interrupted as Operator diverts call

[LEGAL]: Hello this is Mike Rogers, Legal Department. How may I help you?

[CALLER]: Hi, I've been put through by mistake I wanted to ask about the offense, you know the hits.

[LEGAL]: Ooh, no problem, I understand. I'll just pass you back to switchboard.

Legal calls back switchboard

[LEGAL]: Hello switchboard, the call you transferred wasn't for Legal, I think they're after Media Relations or something to do with hits.

[OPERATOR]: No problem, thank you. If you pass the call back I'll deal with it.

Legal transfers call

[OPERATOR]: Hello, I understand that you didn't require Legal. But are looking for hits.

[CALLER]: That's correct. Thank you.

[OPERATOR]: Putting you through to Media Relations

[CALLER]: Nooooooooooo

Too late, call is put through to Media Relations

[MEDIA]: Hi this is Tiffany, Media Relations, how many I help you?

[CALLER]: *sighs* I didn't want to be put through to you. Can you put me back to switchboard.

[MEDIA]:Oh right, ok. Can I ask what department you were after?

[CALLER]: *annoyed* No, just transfer me back please.

[MEDIA]: *sharply* Fine.

Calls back switchboard

[MEDIA]: Hi, I've got someone who's been put through incorrectly, can you deal with them. They're very rude.

[OPERATOR]: No problem. I'll sort this out

Switchboard gets call rerouted

[OPERATOR]: Hello, I understand that you have some sort of problem, would you like to explain and maybe I can help.

[CALLER]: *frustrated* Well, I called about 4 innings ago to find out why the hell we can't seem to get any hits or runs and are generally getting easy outs. I don't want Legal help, I don't want Videos or whatever.. I JUST WANT SOME DAMN RUNS.

[OPERATOR]: I'm sorry but I am going to have to ask you to moderate your language. We are unable to fulfill your request today, perhaps if you try again tomorrow we may be able to help you. Thank you and good day

[CALLER]: Good day!? I don't think so.

Caller hangs up and goes to see if Boston are still losing.


END ACT ONE


ACT TWO - A follow up call

SCENE: YANKEE FAN'S APARTMENT
Yankee fan is sitting on beaten up sofa, head in hands with TV blaring the Yankee game.

Phone rings

[FAN]: Hello?

[CALLER]: Hello, is this Yankee Fan?

[FAN]: Yes...

[CALLER]: Hi, This is Shelley Duncan, I understand you called us earlier asking about hits.

[FAN]: Yes, that's correct. It was getting really serious and I thought I should call

[CALLER]: Yes I completely understand your position. I think we can find a few runs for you. I'll see what I can do.

[FAN]: I would be most grateful if you could.

[CALLER]: No problem.

Phone call ends, and a 3 run Home run is scored

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE - Dial tone

SCENE: YANKEE BULLPEN
Pitching coach is sitting in bullpen

Phone rings

[BULLPEN]: Hello?

[DUGOUT]: What the hell is up with the closer! This is the second game where he's screwed up. He can't excuse his way out of this one.

[BULLPEN]: Well, he's helped you out many many times before, it's ok to have an off day.

[DUGOUT]: The hell it's ok...

Bullpen hangs up and goes to hide

END PLAY/GAME/OF MY ROPE

Prizes:

• Shelley Duncan - 3 run home run - gold star
• Alex - 4 for 4 - hugs
• Mo - a kick up the ass
• The offense - a map to find themselves
• Boston - a thank you for losing too